Favourite Part
by Tabitha Dornoc
Summary: ONESHOT. RIKU/KAIRI, XEHANORT. Indulge properly, Riku. The worlds are destroyed thanks to you; live with your sin.


Originally written June, 2009, for this springkink prompt: _Riku/Kairi + Xehanort: unresponsive partner- :You cannot lie to me. Even when she is this- this soulless little doll- you want her_. So, basically, Xehanort tralalaing with Riku's mind.

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My absolute favourite part, if you were wondering, is all of your little justifications. I understand the need to know and to reason. I understand the pull of scientific inquiry and the ability to answer the terrifying _why_. But that's not what you're doing. You're just...

You sit in this room, looking at their sleeping faces. Pretty porcelain princesses behind glass. You put them there, you know. Yes, yes, don't fight semantics with me. I know the fairy witch caught some. But when you think about her, you also think about him, right?

What would our precious, self-sacrificing Sora do in this situation, do you think? I saw him, too, remember. I do not think he would be so captured, so destroyed, so _broken_. Do you think he would have gone to a single world for that witch? Do you think _he_ would have collected _more_?

I like to imagine him destroying all of this glass. Unlock their prisons with his key. Shards and fragments left behind for you to step on.

Oh, I think he could. I think you could, too. The power to wield that weapon and free all of them and _her_ is so very close. Reach out and take it, Riku. It's right here. I'm holding it.

Or we could sit here and brood. Every moment spent in indecision is another moment that her heart doesn't beat. Is another moment where she doesn't open her eyes and smile at you. Is another moment that could be stolen from you, trapped, and placed carefully with all of her friends.

The answers are not in this room, boy. Do you know why? You think if you study these princesses, these women of heart, that you'll be able to find a way to bring her back? Your Kairi, she is not as connected to them as you would think. Did she feel the pull of the door? Did she hear the call of temptation?

Think on it. This one here? She found a spinning wheel up in a dark tower, forbidden and glowing and whispering _touch me_.

That one? She saw an apple, ripe and crisp and red and held so carefully through the window. Have a bite, they told her.

This girl knew of the minute hand that inched closer and closer to the twelve, but chose a different hand, _his_ hand, asking for one more dance, please.

You think I'm wrong? What about the grin of a boy, dark and sweet and offering her a seat on a floating carpet. Do you trust me, he says, and she melts under the heat of her world's sun.

How about a silly rabbit, fumbling and running and very late indeed. How about she follows it all the way down the rabbit hole.

For her, well, I saw the painting just as you did. A sparkling rose in a dark and dusty room, and those eyes in the torn painting, haunting. Save me, says the prince. Not much a prince now, hah. He was quite ferocious, wasn't he? I can feel him lurking about, can't you? He'll find us, soon enough. I hope you make your decision before then.

Those girls… Maybe they deserved their fate, you tell yourself. They looked when they shouldn't have, wanted what they couldn't have. Temptation dangled in front of them, sweet and tender and quite deadly, I would say. The silly girls did deserve their imprisonment. I do not understand your desire to free them, to help them, but I will allow you that wish.

What did your Kairi do? What temptation did she reach out to grasp, thus earning her this cold, sleeping state? The only thing she is guilty of is knowing you, Riku.

That's why your little justifications don't work. It's the flaw in your theory. I reject your notion. She didn't do _anything_, did she, Riku? She didn't open that door. She didn't bring the swarm of darkness and shadows to her home. She didn't throw away a friendship out of spite and jealousy and the belief that a cold witch's arms would offer something better.

It's _you_ that deserves to be in there. What's more, you know it. I enjoy that too, by the way. I enjoy the taste of it, in your mind, your heart, your tongue. The flavour of the knowledge that it should be you, not her, sleeping and helpless and without a soul.

You gave into temptation, dear one.

Do it again.

You've chosen a path, a road, and there's no room to turn around and retrace your steps. The ground crumbles as you walk; you poison everything you leave behind.

Hush. Don't make a scene. Her goblins are everywhere; they'll come find you.

Riku. Take a little more. You've stolen so much already, reach out and grab just a little more. I can give you what you want. I can wake her up. I can wake her up for you and everything will be better again, won't it? You know what you have to do.

Oh, yes, clasp her to yourself. Do you think that will bring her to life? You must. You kiss her like your kiss is that of a prince that will break a spell. You think your lips will pull her eyes open and full of life again? You tell yourself this over and over, but I know what your heart says, Riku. Your heart beats out a theory different than your mind. Your heart's rhythm is a drum of guilt and lust and greed.

You don't hold her out of love or friendship. You hug her tight, not to keep her safe from the witch and her prisons, but to keep her to yourself. Away from goblins and the world of the waking and, oh do not deny yourself this truth, away from our dear _Sora_.

You kiss her because you like the taste of her on your lips. You like the smell of her filling you, clinging to you, so even when you are away she's still with you.

You like the sound of her, the quiet of her. She has no voice to say _stop_, no breath to gasp _no_. There are no words from her mouth to contradict the ones you put there by your sweet, deluded imagination.

_Riku, it's alright. Riku, don't worry. Riku, I forgive you._

I hope you do find a way to waken her. I hope it takes so long that the first words she speaks, croaked and raspy after so much silence, are words of hate and bitterness. You did this to me, she will say to you.

You're prolonging it. Take her back now, before she comes to hate you.

Sora would have her awake by now.

Do you think she will thank you for how you've guarded her? How you cling and caress and adore her? Do you think she will smile and shrug away all the worlds and lives you've destroyed just for the chance to stay near her?

What do you think she would say if she could see you now? Don't hide your face. Oh, please, what are you-

There was a time you could drown my voice, turn away my words by overpowering your senses with others. Her touch, her smell, her taste. That time is gone. You can't hide from me any longer, and I wish you would stop trying. That, I must say, has become tiresome.

Perhaps you're not hiding from me, hm? Perhaps you _like_ pressing your face into her shoulder, her neck. You like clinging to her, young bodies melded together. Your heart races, beating quick. Her cold skin against your hot; your breathing is low and shallow but picking up speed.

Warmth in your chest where you rest her head, stroking her hair. Oh, if she could see herself now, caressed and adored by you. She must feel so wanted, hm?

Of course you want her. You cannot lie to me. Even as this – this soulless little doll – you _want_ her. Your skin is tight and your blood thick with heat and pressure. You'd like nothing less than to burn some life into her, wouldn't you? Prove to her that she's alive, still. Prove to yourself that she is yours; keep her on, in, all around you.

And why not? You have tempted. You might as well reap the benefits of your fall. Indulge properly, Riku. The worlds are destroyed thanks to you; live with your sin. Savour your sin.

Fuck your sin. Warm and tight and she can't say no, Riku.

I'm disgusting? _I'm_ the sinful one?

Where do you think this is headed, Riku? You cannot wake her with the power you have now. You cannot save her as you are. All you can do is continue as you have been: waiting for that witch to reward you. But all she does is give you more and more tasks, and with each task you fall more and more away. You rely too much on the bits of Kairi left to keep you whole.

What will you do when you disappear completely? When there are two lifeless dolls, you and her, and neither can be saved?

Well, yes. You're going to lose yourself either way. To me, to the witch, to Kairi...

The one thing you do not understand, Riku, is that in all the scenarios, only a loss to me gains you freedom. I will wake Kairi for you. And, when she realises what happened and she begins to hate and loathe you... she'll find she can't, won't she? Because our sweet Riku would never do that, no. It was all _him_, that voice, that creature...

I don't mind if they call _me_ names, Riku. I don't mind if they hate me. They can't blame you if you aren't in control.

Let go, Riku. I give you my word. Your Kairi will awaken. She will regain her heart.

Do you hear that? Do you feel that? He's here. Sora. He carries a hate for you under his heart. Can you sense its poison?

You've lost, sweet boy. Touch her, kiss her, love her all you like now. There really is only one way to make this good again. You opened the door before. You can do it again.

Trust me.

"What should I do?"

Why, Riku. It's really quite simple…

(Peel away the layers of skin. Take hold of caged bone and _pull_. Cup in palms the muscle that beats soft and fast. Open it. He doesn't stop screaming. Do you know, I think that's my absolute favourite part.)


End file.
